YADM Madam

 A very recent piece here.  Etheline, Georgia's new roommate, wants to have a party.  YADM refers to Etheline's work place - Yoga and Alcohol Don't Mix is the name of the organization.  She is the office manager there.

Etheline wanted to have a party.

“A housewarming type party, Georgia.  Just a small thing.  I have a few friends I’d like to invite.  You’ll like them I think.  You’ve already met Erica.”

This was true – Georgia had returned home one evening after watching a movie about cats in Qatar and there they were, Erica and Etheline, sitting upon the futon. 

“Hi, Georgia,” Etheline said. “This is Erica.  We work together at YADM.”

“Oh, hi,” said Georgia.  She noted that they were both drinking from wine glasses.

Erica looked at Georgia and Georgia at Erica.

“Well, yoga and alcohol don’t mix but we aren’t doing yoga,” she said, chortling.

“This isn’t alcoholic.” said Etheline, “Erica is kidding.”

“I’m a kidder,” said Erica.

“This is actually a great mix we sell at YADM, Georgia.    Garlic, kale, turnips, strawberries, red onion, mustard greens, pomegranate, jalapeno, and just a touch of beet.  We also offer the option of daikon root but that is not as popular.”

 “Oh, I don’t know, I sometimes like it,” noted Erica.

“We have more in the fridge, Georgia, if you’d like.”

“Okay,” said Georgia. “Well, that’s nice I guess.” It would prove not that nice hours later as Georgia sat upon the toilet rather violently expelling a whole range of colours and textures.  But that wouldn’t be for hours.

“So,” said Georgia.

“Join us if you like.” said Etheline, “We’re just chatting about blah blah blah and blah blah blah.”

“What?” said Georgia.

“Blah, blah,” said Etheline.

“Blah!” exuded Erica.

“Blah, blah, blah,” sang Etheline.

“Blah!”  The pair shouted together.

“What?” said Georgia.

“Are you okay there Georgia?  You seem to be paling.”

“I think I just couldn’t understand what you were saying?”

“Blah?” asked Etheline.

Oh boy, thought Georgia. “I think I’ll just go to bed.”

“Blah, blah,” said Etheline.

“Blah blah blah blah,” said Erica.

The blah blah situation had happened to Georgia once before, but that was way back in the 1970’s and had involved a man, a duck, and a rotary telephone.  It was a different time.

Georgia dashed to her room, threw off her clothes and put on her pajamas.  She huddled under her covers, surprised to find herself comforted by the murmur of chatting in the living room.    She couldn’t make out what was being said but it was generally in a gentle tone, soothing almost.

Georgia loved to be soothed.  The sound of crows crowing was long known to put her into a deep and restful sleep.  Mind you, this was before a crow had swooped down upon her one afternoon in late July 2014, and very nearly cut open the top of her head with its talons or so it had felt.  It had been traumatizing, especially after the bird shat upon her.  She’d been swooped upon before but never so closely and with such intensity.  She understood intellectually that the crow was protecting its territory but emotionally she could no longer hear the caw caw without tasting the white goo of crow shit.

She also found the noise of the sneezing of others –  but not herself – to be a balm.  In fact, her sister right before she left had downloaded sneezing sounds onto Georgia’s phone.  Ah choo!  A choo!  So pleasing, Georgia sighed.

And so, a party.

Well, thought Georgia as she put on her night guard and turned out her light, I could invite, let me think.  Well, I could invite –

Who was there?  Now that her main form of income was tutoring one-on-one Chinese children and Russian acrobats (a surprisingly lucrative venture), her list of co-workers had dwindled to zero.  And Rick and she were in one of their off periods of their on again-off again relationship.  She missed him but was actually tiring of the drama.  With Rick went their mutual friends Jacoby and Jennifer (and to a certain extent Joshua and Justin, Jerry and Gillian although Georgia had never really gotten to know them other than that one night, a night best forgotten.  In fact, they had all agreed to never mention it.  It would be best that way, Rick and Gerry had said, what with the potentially endless lawsuits and what not).  So, well.  Gee.  Georgia hadn’t had to worry about social interaction while her mother, sister, niece, and David were living with her.  Every night had been some goddamn thing or another – a pie making extravaganza (although Georgia had liked the results of the making), yodelling, sculpting vaginas out of clay, ukeleling, group Superstore outings and the like.  It had become too much.  But now, essentially kin-less, Georgia didn’t have anyone in particular to bring to a party that was to be in her own basement suite. 

Wait, am I going to have to bring something was one of her last thoughts before drifting off.  Chips, I guess, salt and vinegar, maybe cinnamon bun flavoured?  Yes, that will do.

The party got cancelled, semi-last minute.  Well, the night before actually.

Georgia had just walked in the door from a trip to Superstore where she had purchased gum, a small American flag, bananas, and two small-sized bags of generic potato chips – one cinnamon bun flavoured and one plain.  Both had reduced salt. 

“Oh” said Georgia, unpacking her groceries.  She tore open the plain chips bag.  She felt a fairly potent mixture of relief and disappointment.

“Yes, well, it seems I am no longer employed at YADM.”

“Madam?”

“Georgia, what?”

“Sorry, I mean I am sorry to hear this.  What happened?”

“Well it was mutually agreed that – YADM and I both decided that it is – it’s time for me to do new things.  Spread my wings a bit and what not. “

“Oh.”

  “I’m not really in the mood at the moment for a party.  I need to re-group.  To settle my insides a bit.  So, we’ll have YADM juice for days!  Luckily I hadn’t really gotten any other food yet.”

“Oh, okay. Um, what do you think you’ll do for work?”

“That’s a good question although probably a bit soon to ask.  I’m going to take some time.  I’m not that young anymore but a career change might be in order.”

Georgia sat down beside Etheline on the futon.

“I’ll be able to pay the rent if that is what you are worried about.”

“Oh, no, it hadn’t.  I mean I wasn’t too worried.”

“No, no, I have a bit of savings.  Anyway, I think I will go to lie down now.  It’s been a day.”

“Oh, boy,” said Georgia.

As Etheline headed to her room, Georgia called out after her, “Is this the same juice we had the other week?”